Fruit of The Spirit: Love
This covers a sermon by Tim Keller on the fruit of the Spirit, focusing primarily on the virtue of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13. Keller explains that the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) are facets of holiness and the communicable attributes of God that grow in a believer’s life through an intimate relationship with God. He emphasizes that true love is selfless, meeting the needs of others before one’s own, and is distinct from mere affection or emotional attraction. Keller contrasts biblical love with counterfeit forms of love rooted in fear, selfishness, and the desire to use others to meet one’s own needs. He stresses that genuine love never fails or gives up, even in the face of difficulties, because it is grounded in God’s costly, sacrificial love demonstrated through Christ’s death on the cross.
Introduction to the Fruit of the Spirit
Keller introduces the topic of the fruit of the Spirit, explaining that they are the communicable attributes of God that grow in a believer’s life through an intimate relationship with God. He contrasts the fruit of the Spirit with the works of the flesh, emphasizing that the secret to holiness is living under grace rather than trying to earn God’s acceptance through good works.
The Importance of Love
Keller highlights the preeminence of love among the fruit of the Spirit, citing 1 Corinthians 13:1-3. He explains that while spiritual gifts and activities like prophecy, knowledge, faith, and even martyrdom can be counterfeited, true Christianity is marked by the supernatural growth of love and the other fruit of the Spirit.
The Facets of Love
Keller examines the various facets of love described in 1 Corinthians 13, such as patience, kindness, humility, and selflessness. He emphasizes that true love is not possessive or self-seeking but seeks to meet the needs of others before one’s own.
The Enduring Nature of Love
Keller discusses 1 Corinthians 13:8-13, which contrasts the enduring nature of love with the temporary nature of spiritual gifts like prophecy, tongues, and knowledge. He explains that true love never fails or gives up, even in the face of difficulties, because it is grounded in God’s costly, sacrificial love demonstrated through Christ’s death on the cross.
Developing Love
Keller provides practical advice on developing biblical love, emphasizing the importance of gazing upon and meditating on God’s costly love demonstrated through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. He also recommends several books on Christian character and the fruit of the Spirit.
Welcome to Gospel in Life. What does the Bible mean when it talks about the fruit of the Spirit? How can we cultivate the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self -control in our lives? Join us today as Tim Keller teaches on the fruit of the Spirit.
Please turn to 1 Corinthians 13. Next to Psalm 23 and maybe the Ten Commandments, it’s hard to imagine that we have a more popular and familiar passage. But we’re looking at the fruit of the Spirit. We looked at them in general last week when we looked at Galatians 5. And starting this week and moving to the next nine weeks, we’re going to be looking in order at a good passage on each of the fruit of the Spirit, on love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and meekness and gentleness, self -control, and so on. Tonight, let’s read something that surely you’ve heard before and it’s familiar, but it’s the Locus classicus. It’s the classic text on love in the Bible.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames and have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self -seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always processes. protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease. Where there are tongues, they will be stilled. Where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see, but a poor reflection is in a mirror. Then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
We have a long sermon series in this passage, but we can’t do a sermon series at all. Let’s remind ourselves for a moment. as we plunge into the study of the fruit of the Spirit. Let’s remind ourselves what the fruit of the Spirit is. The fruit of the Spirit is really just a breakdown of holiness. If you could take holiness and put it through a prism, and so that the prism somehow, I don’t know what kind of prism this would be, could break down holiness into its constituent parts, you’d have the fruit of the Spirit. They’re the same thing. You can see it, for example, in Romans 6. Don’t turn to it. In Romans 6, God Paul talks about the works of the flesh, and how we must not produce works of the flesh, but instead we should be holy and put on holiness. In Galatians 5, the works of the flesh are contrasted with the fruit of the Spirit. In Romans 6 and in 1 Peter and a number of other places, the works of the flesh are contrasted with holiness. So the holiness and the fruit of the Spirit are the same thing. Now, the secret of holiness and the secret of the fruit of the Spirit, let’s not forget, we looked at it last week. The secret is not to live under law but under grace. I put this down here. In other words, if you are doing, if you’re trying to do good, if you’re trying to live up to standards, if you’re trying to be moral out of a belief that being moral will earn you heaven, will earn you acceptance with God, will earn you anything with God, if you are being moral out of that motivation, it will produce works of the flesh. If on the other hand, you understand the gospel of grace, and that is that through Jesus Christ, we’re accepted fully now, because God has laid our sins on Jesus Christ, and then God also transfers when we believe in Jesus His righteousness and His great record to our account so that we’re fully accepted. accepted now. Then when we seek to live a godly life, with that motivation it produces the fruit of the Spirit. That’s fairly simple.
I was thinking last week when I was all done, why do I take 30 minutes to say these things? Why don’t I just say it in a sentence, that way nobody will get it mixed up. So let me say it in a sentence. If you’re trying to be good, I mean everybody knows if you’re trying to be bad and evil and wicked and shoot people and so on that you’re going to produce works of the flesh. But if you’re trying to be good under law, if you’re trying to be good because you hope then God will answer your prayers and put power in your life and help you out, it will produce works of the flesh, it will produce pride, it will produce sensuality, it will produce a lack of self -control, a lack of kindness, all the unholy things. If on the other hand you say I see that I’m accepted holy because of what Jesus has done for me, and now I want to live a life of grateful joy and grateful obedience to God. you’ll produce the fruit of the Spirit. It’s the same with the fruit of the Spirit as with holiness.
Jonathan Edwards wrote a book which is still probably the best book I ever read next to the Scripture, of course. And if you asked me, if you put a gun to my head and said, what’s the greatest book ever written, I might say, I mean, why would I ever want to say what the greatest book ever written is? But if I had to, I’d say that was it. And in that book, he says, it’s one thing to love God for his mercy. It’s another thing to love God for his power. And of course a real Christian will love God for his mercy and his power, but only a real Christian can love God for his holiness. Now, why did he say that? He said it because of this. It’s possible. Actually, I guess we talked about it in the morning now that I think about it this morning. It’s possible to come to Christianity the way you come to a self -help book or you come to a seminar that’s gonna help you get your life together. You come and you say, ah, I have got problems in my life. I’m hitting a rough patch and I need something to get me over that hump, get me through this bad time. So just tell me what the requirements are. What do I need to do? Come to church more often, read certain books, clean up my life in this or that way. Just tell me what it is because I want that power in my life you talk about. Or just tell me what it is because I feel guilty and I need to do something about these guilt feelings. So I want that mercy, which is what you talk about. See, it’s possible to use God to get his power. See, not to love God in himself, but just to say I love God for his power because I need that power to deal with my problems to reach my goals. Or it’s possible to love God even for his mercy because oh, how we hate these guilt feelings, it would be so great if we could know that mercy so that again, we’re using God to get the mercy so we can feel better. And Edward says real Christians love God for his mercy and his power, but But non -Christians can too. People who want to use God, people who really want to treat Christianity as a self -help course, people who are under the law and they don’t know it. Because they’re trying, you see, to make themselves feel good about themselves. They’re just doing whatever they can using religion, using God in order to get there. But Edward says, if you love God for His holiness, for His purity, for His perfection, for His goodness, for His greatness, then you’re actually loving God for Himself. And that’s only possible if you believe the Gospel. It’s only possible if you say, Lord, the reason I love you is for what you’ve done for me. I can’t use you to get anything. You’ve already given me everything I possibly could ever want. Now, I gaze upon you out of grateful joy and I love you, and I want to be like you simply because you are you.
Dr. Ed Clowney. former president of the Westminster Seminary used to put it like this. I think I’ve brought this up somewhere else. If your wife comes to you and says to you, he used to say this, if your wife comes to you and says, why do you love me? And you say, well, I love you because you’re serviceable. I added things up. I looked at all the other women and I figured this woman, of all the women, looked like she will help me reach my goals. She will give me the greatest sense of well -being. She will probably be the most compatible person to operate a household with. And I looked at you and I ran through the computer and, you know, you were the one, honey. And what will she say? She won’t say much, not all day. Not all week, probably. Because you see, when somebody says, why do you love me? What you want the person to say is, I love you because I love you. I can’t get behind the love. There isn’t any reason for the love other than itself.
Now, God’s love for us is like that. He doesn’t come to us and say, I love you because I see that you are serviceable to me. I see that you are going to do all these great things. Heck, no. God says, I love you simply because, not of what you are, but because of because I love you. That’s why God is always saying in the Bible, Deuteronomy 7, he comes to Israel. And this is an amazing place in Deuteronomy 7. He says, he says, oh, oh, Israel, I did not love you because you were the greatest of nations. I did not love you because you were the largest of nations. I did not love you because you were the most skillful of nations. God loved you because he loved you. It literally is. says that. Now, when you experience God’s love like that, when you accept Christ as Savior and you know you’re completely accepted now, in spite of your bad deeds now, you’re totally accepted. You are, you’re in, you’re in Him. You belong to Him. Then you turn to God and you begin to say, I love you simply because I love you. I don’t need to use you anymore.
That’s the reason why Edwards can say the mark of real Christianity is you love God for His holiness, namely, i .e., you love Him for Himself. And when you begin to love Him for Himself, you grow in the fruit of the Spirit to the degree that you look at Him. See, the fruit of the Spirit, as we put down here, are the communicable attributes of God. The incommunicable attributes of God are His omnipresence, His omnipotence, things that we’ll never have. Even in heaven, we’re never going to be able to be everywhere at once. We’re never going to be all knowing and all powerful. But then there are other attributes of God called the communicable attributes of God. His love, His greatness, His wisdom, these things, through our intimate contact with Him, will grow in us. And how do we become like Him? We become like Him the closer we get to Him. The more we gaze at Him, the more we actually thrill under Him. Now, I know it’s pretty hard for you to understand a Presbyterian talking like this. But, you know, look, it’s one thing to know intellectually that He’s wise. It’s one thing to know intellectually He’s gracious. It’s another thing to actually stare at Him, to let the truth wash over you, to sit in its presence and just let it sink in. If there is a secret to holiness, that’s it. And that is that there’s no secret. Your typical book on the victorious Christian life, I’m sorry. You know, the last thing I read, people say, what do you read for devotional? What kind of devotional reading that you do? And I say, well, I have lots of devotional reading, but the one thing I never, ever, ever read is devotional reading. I mean, anything in a Christian book story that says devotional reading, I ordinarily stay away from. Because devotional reading and books on how to be a better Christian and how to have victory and so on, ordinarily, they start like this. You have problems. You’ve got troubles. You have things you have to overcome. Just follow these three steps. Everything will be fine.
But the Bible always says instead of starting with you, it starts with God. It says, be ye holy. Holy for what? Because you got troubles? No. For I am Holy. Be Holy for I am Holy. Look at me, come near me, see me. You know, how did Isaiah get Holy? Through a book, Isaiah got Holy because he saw God. And you know, when Isaiah got a hold of who God was, he was different. He saw him face to face. Remember that? He comes on in and he sees the angels high and lifted up. You have God and there was smoke and there was trembling. And he saw God and he fell to his face and he was changed. How did Job become Holy? Job says, I heard of you with my ear, but now I see you with my eye. And I repent in dust and ashes. How did Peter become Holy? You know, Peter sees Jesus Christ bringing all these fish into the boat. And he says, depart from me, for I am a sinful man. He came into contact. He saw who Jesus was. They saw who God was, and that changed them. And all the methods, the methods, who cares about the methods? Oh, I’m not saying there’s no methods. After all, we spent five weeks talking about disciplined Bible study and focusing a prayer life and spending plenty of time with other Christians and fellowship. I’m not saying there’s nothing you can do. I’m not saying you should be passive, but it’s not methods. It never has been methods. Every time, look, every single time you find yourself losing courage. Now courage isn’t one of the fruit of the spirit exactly that’s listed here, but it’s one of the aspects of holiness. You know, the Bible commands courage. You know, the Bible doesn’t just suggest it. The Bible doesn’t just say, courage is a great thing for those of you who are born with it. We tend to think like that. It says in Revelation 21, into the lake of fire will be thrown who? Yes, the liars, yes, the Hormongers, yes, all those people, and who else goes into the lake of fire in Revelation 21? The cowards. I remember the first time I read that, I said, oh my word. I said, wait a minute, cowardice. I mean, hey, you know, I know I shouldn’t lie, but I can’t help it. I’m a chicken. That’s not what the Bible says. This morning in the call to worship, we were looking at Isaiah 51. And Isaiah, in Isaiah 51, God says, who are you that you fear mortal man? I have been living with that verse for two weeks. I couldn’t wait to lay it on other people. Misery loves company. Who are you? You know what God’s saying? He’s saying, how dare you? Who do you think you are that you’re scared? I remember thinking about that. What? He’s saying, he’s saying, if you are afraid of people, it’s your fault. Who do you think you are? think you are. He says that you are afraid of mortal man and you forget Lord God. I’m the one who churns up the sea. Look, if you are a coward, it’s because you’re failing to confront yourself with the truth. This is how the fruit of the spirit grow in anybody’s life. This is how holiness grows in anybody’s life. You confront yourself at the moment you need to be different with the truth about God. And what is the truth? Just you want to, you don’t want to be a coward, just keep thinking this. God, the infinite Almighty God, to whom the entire universe, the entire galaxy, which is 200 million light years across this but a piece of lint, has said that he is for me. So what can be against me?
Now, you say that helps me now but what about tomorrow? You have to take it with you. It helps me now, it feels good, I’m in here, you know, you’re up here acting like this is the way the world is, I can almost begin to believe that the world’s like that. But when I get out there, it’s different. You have to take it out there. And don’t you begin to see, it’s not the methods, it’s not the methods. It’s taking the truth of who God is and keeping your eye on him. That’s the reason why the fruit of the Spirit are just the communicable attributes of God. They are just God’s qualities burn into our soul because we keep looking at them. You know, there are people, they say that if you’ve been married long enough time, you start to look like each other. There may be something to that. But I know that’s true about God and you. It says so. We’re being transformed into the image of his son, the communicable attributes. Every fruit of the Spirit, every aspect of holiness, comes from looking at God himself, not by method.
Now, one more thing about studying the fruit of the Spirit and then we’ll at least get into love for a while. Get into love. 15 minutes on love. Oh well. I put down here something kind of important to keep in mind every week. In Galatians 5 it says, the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, right? You know the word fruit there in Greek is singular. And that’s fairly important to keep this in mind. It doesn’t say the fruits of the Spirit. Now one of the reasons why we may not notice that is in English the word fruit can be sometimes singular and sometimes plural. It’s one of those, those of you who, English is not your first language, this is the sort of thing that makes you pull your hair out, right? Because English is so inconsistent. We’re sorry about that. I’d do something if I could. Fruit here is singular and that means that love, joy, peace, patience and so on are not actually separate things. That’s very important. Instead you should think of the fruit of the Spirit like a diamond and every one of these things are truly facets or aspects. You can actually look into the diamond and through any face and see all the rest of the diamond. Now what this is saying is that ultimately, if you have one of these attributes or one of these fruit, all the rest of them would be there. In fact, it’s extremely clear in the case of love, though it’s true for all the rest. If you look at this passage on love that we’re about to look at or we have been looking at, 1 Corinthians 13, you’ll see that the other fruit are there. Right? Love is patient. Love is kind. What are those? Those are fruit of the Spirit. Oh, then you say, well, maybe love is the only thing and all these other things are derivative. No. You see, if you really love the way the Bible says you love, then you’ll have joy, you’ll have peace, you’ll have humility. They’re all in there. If you have joy, you’ll have love and peace and all the rest. If you have peace, you’ll have love and joy and all the rest. That’s because they’re all of a piece and you can’t really, really, really have one without developing the rest. Now you can certainly be lagging behind in some. There’s no doubt about it. And if you want to grow, you have to know which ones you’re lacking behind in.
But one of the things that Jonathan Edwards says in the Religious Affection is he says that any one of these things individually, any one of these fruit individually can be counterfeited by Satan, can be counterfeited by the natural constitution of the human heart. But what makes you know the difference between a real Christian and anybody else is that only a real Christian or, we should say, only the Holy Spirit can produce all of them together. There’s a symmetry about holiness. You see, it’s possible, for example, to be extremely courageous in the flesh. You’re just a person who’s hard -headed. You’re just a person who’s not very afraid. You’re just an assertive, aggressive person. And so all the things the Bible says about faithfulness and about truth and about courage, you say that’s me. But what about all the things the Bible says about gentleness and humility and approachability? Are you approachable? Do people actually want to come talk to you about their problems, even when you’re really too tired but they come after you? Well, most of us, see, if you’re the person who temperamentally is courageous and truthful, you know, you’re always telling people the truth and you’re a straight shooter, you’re probably not the kind of person that people are going to come after, are you? No. Because you see, they can be counterfeited. Those kinds of attribute and fruit can be produced by the natural human heart. But it’s all of them together. And there’s some of us, of course, that are very, very approachable. And we wouldn’t harm a fly. And nobody in the world would be afraid of us. But we’re also fairly cowardly about a lot of things. You see, your natural temperament, your natural constitution can produce some of these. But real spiritual fruit is all of a piece. And the way you can tell that something is going on, supernatural, that cannot be accounted for in any other way in your life, is that they’re all growing together. And that’s the reason why fruit is singular.
Now, by the way, here’s four, oh well, I’m just looking at the time. But these four books I would suggest at some point would be awfully helpful if you wanna understand Christian character, the right smack in the middle of the first page here. If you wanna understand godliness or holiness or the fruit of the spirit, and these are all the same thing. One off, the book I would start with is Jerry Bridges, The Practice of Godliness, it’s a NAF Press book, very good. Secondly, a book by John Sanderson called The Fruit of the Spirit, I don’t know that’s in print anymore, but it’s a good book. Jonathan Edwards, A Treatise on Religious Affections, on the, I would generally say very few of you ought to run out and get that book, it’s not an easy book to read, you need to read some other things first. But if you’ve got it, treasure it, don’t sell it, stick it there, and hopefully someday you’ll be able to find, mine the riches. And then there’s a book by C .S. Lewis, itself called The Four Loves, which is also a marvelous book, really about, Christian character.
Now, let’s, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. We read 1 Corinthians 13, but I’m going to have to be brief in order to really give you the overview of this fruit. And the reason I got to stay on schedule is because I printed the schedule on the back and now you see I can’t take two weeks on love. We got to go right to joy and some of you look like we need to get there soon. So, let me give you an overview of the, of the, this particular fruit. If you take a look at the, if you look at 1 Corinthians 13, you see it breaks down into three parts. Verses one to three are all telling you why love is more important than anything else. And here you actually have a statement from Paul very much along the lines of what I just said, Edwards, Jonathan Edwards says, Paul is saying the way you can tell real Christianity is by love, not by, and he says tongues or prophecy or knowledge or faith or giving of his possessions to the poor or even martyrdom itself. Now what he’s talking about in that list is gifts, a gift of the spirit, spiritual gifts that talk, there’s many, there’s many lists in the Bible of spiritual gifts like prophecy and teaching and pastoring and helps and so on. Gifts are activities and what Paul is saying is a frightening thing. We have to keep this in mind. He says Christian activities as busy as you can get, doing evangelism, for example, doing teaching, doing discipling, helping the poor, teaching and preaching and church and leading worship, all these things as great as they are and be absolutely counterfeited.
In fact, if you want to know the truth, every other religion has them. Every other religion. Tongue, some people think only Christians speak in tongues. It’s just not true. Tongue speaking happens in other religions as well. Prophecy, teaching, lots and lots of money that you’re giving to the poor and a willingness to die for your faith. Let’s face it, every religion has produced tons of people like that. So how in the world are you supposed to tell? What Paul is saying is not that you should stop giving your money to the poor or not that you should stop teaching and doing all these things He says the way you can tell real real True Christianity is not by how busy you are and how active you are But whether or not actual supernatural character is growing It’s the fruit of the spirit that cannot be counterfeited by magicians or by science or by Satan But the gifts of the spirit can In fact you have in Matthew 7 that frightening verse that I’ll continue to bring back bring you back to it says on the final day People will come to Jesus and say Lord Lord now Lord Lord is an important Very important address by calling him Lord it shows that they intellectually believe he’s God Choreos they use this great You know a dress and they don’t just say Lord they say Lord Lord That’s important I in in the Bible whenever you see a doubling it means intensity of feeling You know when David when David’s son Absalom is killed. He doesn’t just say Absalom my son He says what Absalom Absalom my son my son its intensification of emotion the doubling and Here we have them saying Lord Lord Didn’t we do great deeds in your name? Deeds didn’t we cast out demons didn’t we prophesy didn’t we do mighty deeds in your name and Jesus doesn’t say to them You know, I’m sorry, but you backslid he doesn’t say that he says depart for me. I Never knew you I never knew you I Never knew you and what he’s doing is he’s just simply giving You know, he’s giving credence here. He’s he’s simply saying the same thing that Paul is saying Paula saying that whereas Christians certainly must be active and must be busy. That’s not what actually shows that your faith is real. What shows that your faith is real, that you are getting more like Jesus.
In the way in which you behave, in the way in which you love, in the way in which you are in yourself. It’s a scary question, but here it is. Are you less irritable than you were last year? Are you less anxious than you were last year? Are you more patient than you were last year? Are you a happier person than you were last year? Is there more peace in your life than there was last year? That doesn’t prove that you’re not a Christian, but it proves this. If you can’t answer those things in a satisfactory way, it’s serious if you’re not growing. It’s serious. Because I’ll tell you why. When you don’t see yourself growing, you do tend to lose your assurance of your salvation. Without assurance of salvation, there is no power. There is no power. So get on the growth track and make sure these things are growing in your life. That’s what Paul’s saying.
You wonder when I was going to get that. See some of you say, you never use notes. You’re not watching. I do use notes. Okay. Now, the second part of 1 Corinthians 13 is the facets of love. And the facets of love are fascinating. And by the way, same word. They’re fascinating. Fascinating must mean, you know, there’s all these facets to a subject. And instead of going into it, I’m going to distill the essence out of it. But we’re told, for example, that love is patient. And patient means literally suffers a long time. In fact, as we’ll see in a minute, one of the essential characteristics of love is that you stay vulnerable. When you’re getting beaten, you don’t immediately retreat. Being patient is an amazing thing.
By the way, this is just a story that’s always meant so much to me. You know, the guy named Stanton, who was Abraham Lincoln’s political opponent. What was his first name? Some of you know a lot more about this than me. Was it William Stanton? Edwin Stanton. Close. Good. Ed. Edwin Stanton was a political opponent. And when Abraham Lincoln was running for office, you got to remember Abraham Lincoln was a midwesterner. He was considered a hick and he was called a hick by Edwin Stanton. He was called a gorilla. You know, he does look a bit… Have you ever noticed that? Abraham Lincoln does look a bit like a gorilla. He does. And he called him a gorilla and he called him a, you know, a, you know, a monstrosity. And he called him a hick and called him all kinds of things. And when Abraham Lincoln won the election and he looked around to find the most able person possible to be his secretary of war or secretary of the military, he chose Edwin Stanton. He chose him and put him in his cabinet, put up with an amazing amount of stuff, turned him into a… into his friend because he said, I know this man is great. And you know when Abraham Lincoln lie dead at his funeral, Stanton was there and he got up in tears and said, here lies the greatest ruler among men in the earth. It’s just amazing. Patience was the way in which Abraham Lincoln loved him.
And you know, there’s no way to be patient unless you understand the old King James word for this word, which is long suffering. Patience is long suffering. It’s the same thing. It means you stay put and you love somebody even when you’re getting it, even when you’re taking an arrow in the shoulder and you’re taking a bust in the mouth. You stay put because you say the only way in which I can love you is to stay put. Patience, kindness. The Bible talks about love being kindness because love is not a feeling first. It’s not possessive, very, very important. And you know, It means, for example, that instead of wanting to use the person, you instead want to free the person. C .S. Lewis in the book for Love says, What most of us think of as love is really a kind of hunger. What most of us consider the feeling of love is actually a feeling of wanting to use somebody to meet our needs. When you see somebody is, oh, first of all, that person is… We’re thinking about somebody with the opposite sex. Here’s what most people think is a feeling of love. Number one, the person accidentally happens to fit the body type of the paradigm in your mind that you’ve always thought was attractive. That’s the first thing. In other words, you’ve got a body type in your mind and you look at all these people out there, the opposite sex, and you have no idea what they’re like, but the ones that you immediately knock away are the ones that don’t fit the body type. You don’t even know anything about them. Then you go after the ones that do. Then secondly, you talk to them and you begin to say, hey, these people are sharp. I would feel like I was getting into a national line where I would feel like, hey, this person, I would look good with this person. And what’s going on is you’re falling in love. You’re feeling attracted. What it means is the soul hunger that needs somebody to come in and meet those needs is starting to throb. That little need thing in there is starting to throb and you call that love. Real love, what? It’s not possessive. That means it, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not self -seeking. It’s selfless. It’s not there trying to use somebody but trying to free somebody. Not irritable, which we’ve talked about a little bit, not bitter. It doesn’t care about its rights. I don’t have time to go through all that. Go to the back. Verse 8 to 13 is very famous. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease. Where there are tongues, they will be stilled. Where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. Now, what’s this saying? Number one, it says, real love never fails. This, we’ve already said one difference between real love and kind of a fake false counterfeit kind of love is that real love stays put and makes yourself, you make yourself vulnerable. Another mark of real love is that it is not trying to be selfish and meet your needs, but it’s actually trying to meet the needs of the person. Now one of the ways Paul says you can tell the difference between selfish, need -meeting love and actual service and commitment to somebody is that real love never fails. That means it stays put. Now you can understand why. If you love somebody on the basis of what they can do for you. Your feeling for that person will change and will wax and wane depending on their behavior toward you. Right? If the basis of your love is whether or not that person is meeting your need, then you will find that you love them more when they’re meeting your need more and you’ll love them less when you’re meeting their need less. But if instead your love is based on a desire to serve someone and give to them and help them, then it doesn’t matter how they act. In fact, when they act worse, when they act more messed up, if anything you have more of a basis for your kind of love, for God’s love. If you’re there to meet a need instead of have your needs met, then the more needy the person gets, the more you can love. And that’s why Paul says the real difference is that need love tends to dry up. It gives up. It collapses. Literally the Greek word here is to collapse like a city collapses when it’s under siege. And therefore Paul says it doesn’t give up. Let me talk to you about the economics of it.
If I, like most of us here, maybe not all of us, most of us are not independently wealthy. Most of us have got to go out and work. Why? Because we have got so much time and we have our bills and we’ve got to spend at least a certain amount of our time making money. So when somebody comes up to you and says, hey, I really need for you to spend a day with me. I’ve got a problem. Well, you know, you can only do that so far, right? Because you’re not independently wealthy. You’ve got to set aside a certain amount of time. You can only be so generous. But what if you were infinitely wealthy just about? What if you had billions and billions of dollars in a trust fund? Then you find out you can suddenly be incredibly generous everywhere because you’re not operating on a system where you have to make sure that you are getting a certain amount of money for your time. Now, the same thing works with love. If you, in your natural state, realize that we all have got to have love from somebody. We’ve got to. We’ve… I mean, you’ve heard about all the experiments that show that little babies die if they’re not being held. I mean, that is the most amazing thing. That babies have a much higher infant mortality rate if they’re just not loved. I mean, how much more clear can it be that human beings need love? That’s our natural condition. So we move out into the world like this. I’ve got to get at least as much as I’m given. I have to. Otherwise, I’ll die. My ego will go bankrupt. I’ll go into the red. I can’t just give and give and give unless I’m getting. So you go out on there and you look around and you have to almost choose. You might have one or two charity cases, yes. People that you give to, who you get nothing from. There’s nothing about them that’s appealing to you. They’re not really… You might have one or two charity cases, but in general, you have got to spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself. People that you want to invest your love in because you need their love and you want their love and it meets your needs. Therefore, you move out into the world like this. You don’t really love people. You love the love that you’re getting. You don’t love them directly. You love what you can get from them. And I know that, like I said, there’s some people that, you know, you spend a lot of time with, but in general, you cannot really be philanthropic with your love. But what if you were independently wealthy in love? What if you knew, no matter what other people said about you or what other people did to you, you knew you were valuable, you knew you were loved, you were loved with an infinite love, you were loved by somebody that as long as he loved you, it didn’t matter what anybody else in the world thought. What if you were independently wealthy when it comes to love? Well, are you a Christian? You are. You’re supposed to be. Or better yet, you’ve got the money there, but a lot of us are living on the street. Like people who’ve got this, you know, every so often you read about people who’ve got this incredible amount of money that’s in their name in the bank. And for whatever reason, either they’re a little bit deranged or a little bit eccentric or whatever, they’d never draw on it. Instead, they live in abject poverty. And a lot of us are like that. The economics of love said, says, love, real love never fails.
Now let me give you a final definition and summary. It’s not at the bottom. What does the Bible say? Number one, love is meeting the needs and concerns of others before or instead of your own. That’s the definition of love. Feelings are not of the essence. That’s the reason why C .S. Lewis says up at the top, though natural liking, now liking, by the way, is an emotion. Likes is an emotion. Love is not. Not biblically. Though natural liking should normally be encouraged, it would be quite wrong to think that the way to become loving is to try to manufacture affectionate feelings. Do not waste time bothering whether you love your neighbor. Act as if you did. See what he’s saying? He says, it doesn’t matter whether you like your neighbor or not, do for him. Help him, serve him. And as soon as you do this, you will find one of the great secrets. When you’re behaving as if you love someone, you will presently come to love him. Now, there’s an exception. If you do him a good turn, not to please God, and obey the law of charity, but to show him what a fine forgiving chap you are, and to put him in your debt and sit down to wait for his gratitude, you will probably be disappointed. Christian love is distinct from affection, but it leads to affection. And oh my, have I seen that? And you have too.
I don’t know how many times I have sat with people who have been married for about 20 years, and they say there’s no love left in the marriage, and I went out. And I can tell you exactly what happened. They had children. And when they, when you have a child, what happens is you have a child, you have a person who needs to be served. And the essence of love is to serve somebody else’s need, regardless of what you want to do. Your child is up in the middle of the night screaming and wailing, he’s three weeks old, what do you do? You say, hey, this is no good. You know, I’m tired, I’m going to bed, do you get up? You feed him, you do whatever you have to do, and you get nothing from that kid for a long time. After several weeks, the kid might actually reach up and grab your finger and smile at you. Wow! I mean, you get so little and so little, and the fact is that as time goes on, you’re giving and you’re giving and you’re giving and you’re getting just very, very little back, and as a result of you giving and giving, in spite of your feelings, what happens is your love for that kid grows incredibly strong. Meanwhile, what happens when your spouse acts like a baby? What happens when your spouse is acting in a way that’s immature and silly and awful, and you’re called upon to continue to be loving to her or him in spite of how that person is acting, what do you do? You say, well, if she’s not going to be the wife she used to be, what the heck do I have to be the husband I used to be? And you immediately start to say, since I don’t like him, I don’t have to love him. And then what happens is the less you love him, the less you like him, and the less you like him, the less you love him, and so on and so on. After 20 years, here you are doing the biblical kind of love to your kid, even though the kid’s giving you nothing. And by that, after 20 years, your kid could be an absolute jerk and you love him. And after those same 20 years, you are operating in a completely selfish way with your spouse. And instead of continuing to serve, even when you don’t like, you follow your feelings, you see. And you think, in other words, your love for your kid is biblical because it leads to affection, it’s not affection, essentially it’s service. Your love for your spouse, you think of it as basically an affection and the affection and the erotic feelings not there. There’s no reason to give. And as a result, the opposite thing is happening. Here, the more you love, the more you like here, the less you love. the less you love, the less you like, the less you like, the less you love. After 20 years, no love between the spouses, lots of love between the parents and kids, even when the kids are rebellious and a mess and so on. And they look at me and they say, there’s no love left in the marriage. No kidding. Because the way they define love is unbiblical. Love is meeting the needs and concerns of others before or instead of your own.
Secondly, the opposite of love is not hate then, but fear. It says in 1 John 4, 18, perfect love casts out fear. Maybe you thought the opposite of love is hate, not biblically. The opposite of love is fear because love is self -opening. Love is service. And whenever you serve somebody, you make yourself vulnerable. And take a look at the second Lewis quote up above, which is an amazing thing. Love anything in your heart will certainly be rung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Rapid, carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The only alternative to tragedy or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation. The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers or perturbations of love, great word, is hell. The opposite of love is not hate but fear.
Thirdly, the counterfeit of love we’ve already talked about. The counterfeit of love is the hunger. It’s a need love. It’s basically a manipulation and a way of using somebody.
Lastly, how do you develop this in your life? Don’t forget what we said in the beginning. We can wrap up like this. In the beginning we said, the way to develop any kind of fruit of the spirit is by looking at a particular attribute of God. In this case, it’s the costly love of God. Ephesians 4, 31, 32 says, love one another as God in Christ forgave you. The cost. Look. When Jesus Christ was on the cross, we were told that God first shook him. Do you know what that cost? John Gerstner, one of my favorite preachers, retired man now, put it like this. He says, Jesus Christ says, I know this is kind of strong but let me close with this illustration.
Jesus Christ says, fear not him who can destroy your body but fear him who can destroy body and soul in hell. Now, do you know what Jesus was saying? Jesus was talking to his disciples and he knew that some of his disciples, in fact, all of them but John the apostle. would be put to death. In the most horrible ways, they would be crucified. But it gets worse. Some of his disciples were cut in half while they were still alive. Some of them had, you know, this hand and this leg tied to one horse and this hand and this leg tied to another horse, and the horse was going that direction and they were dismembered. Some people were put on some of the disciples, I’m not sure the apostles, but some of the disciples that Jesus was talking to were covered with pitch and then impaled on a stake right up here, right through their body while they’re still alive, and then lit as torches in the Roman circus. Some of the disciples had little holes drilled in the top of their head and while they’re still alive, molten lead poured into them. And Jesus has the audacity to say, that’s nothing compared to hell. And then we know this. Jesus Christ took all of our hells. Now that must have been pretty amazing. Because he did it all. He paid everything that we ever could have paid for our sin in three hours. So it’s got to be far worse than anything that any one individual could have ever suffered, even if you’ve gone to hell. And then it was all compressed into three hours and all of our punishments on top of them at one time. And Jesus Christ was up there looking not just at the people at his feet, but everybody in this room. And in the greatest act of love in the history of the world, he stayed. Now you look at that and look at that and you will become a loving person. And there’s no other sight that can do it. No other sight that can really make you stay put. Jesus Christ loved. Love one another and forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. His love is an infallible love.